Everybody's Somebody

I feel like sometimes people need to feel like somebody cares for them to reach their potential. I enjoy being that person to people. I will hang out with you and listen to your problems. I will scratch your back and give you the teensiest bits of affection to motivate you. I must be this person to at least a dozen boys. Sometimes it feels cheap. In some ways, I'm sure it is. But I don't feel like any of them deserve to be alone. I don't want them to search for someone who is going to break their spirits during these times in their lives. I will be their somebody while they become somebody.

Until someone loves you, I'll keep you safe. But right then, I will give you away.

Dear Johnny,

There was a time in my life when your words formed my thoughts. Every bit of advice you fed me from the experiences of your own lacking adolescence was fire to my soul. I thought you were the embodiment of all knowledge. Time moved on and I realized you were a liar. Spreading only what you wanted to be seen. I had been searching for a companion. A friendship to rely on and put into, something to get me through the dark days. You were searching for something that no seventeen year old should ask of a fourteen year old. You destroyed the friendship in which countless hours had been invested. For years, I dreamed of you returning to be my friend. You'd call me and tell me how your marriage was going, that you were proud of who I was becoming. That you finally viewed me as the little sister that I always wanted to be to you. I tried so many things to keep your friendship. But you left anyway. You got angry, got bitter and rude. You got married, and told me to stop talking to you. Your wife is nice, and I feel bad that she has taken on the task of putting up with you.

I still dream that you decide to be my friend, but I finally put your memory down to rest.
Dear Johnny,
     Stop texting me.
Sincerely,
     Darci Rainey

Daydreamer

When I was young I wanted to go to Abraham Baldwin. I had every intention of becoming a farmer when I was "grown up." I was going to have a railroad track put in straight from my farm over to where my sister was going to be a missionary. I had it all planned out. Well, except for the money and building a railroad track over bodies of water that were miles deep. Planned out. Time passed on. I learned I had an inclination for computers and math, and suddenly nothing was more right than being an Engineer. I spent hours and hours watching Modern Marvels on the most complex structures in foreign countries. I told people I would help complete the hydrogen engine. I had it all planned out. Well, except for a few things. Planned out. Through my teen years, being home-schooled put a damper on my mathematic abilities and my Engineering dreams fell into the box with my toy Model A John Deere. Since then nothing has been certain. I often come back to ideas of music education, but really I only want to teach my children. I spent months arguing with my parents over college before I agreed to attend. I feel like the money and time that my state and my parents will spend putting me through school would much better serve someone who dreams to have a career. That person isn't me. When I dream, it's of a country house, with a garden, a piano, and a dozen children. I dream of tending to my home, growing my own food, and mothering. Do you need to go to college to do what's natural?