I have been having nightmares and inescapable memories. I can't fight them because I can't see them. I never know what the nightmares are, or the memories that keep me down. It's a bad feeling that floats through the back of my thoughts. They linger for what seems like eternity and then are gone. I'm so glad they leave, but it makes me nervous that they are present at all. I have been so well since June. I have been nearly perfect. But the winter is setting in, my mind can't be kept in my classrooms or study rooms. I sit for ages and think about everything but nothing relevant. I get flirty and flighty, looking for the rush. I want to socialize and fly. I hope I can survive this winter better than the rest. It would be a true test to my mental stability and so I am nervous.
I have an appointment with the CSU Counseling Center to get my Anxiety Disorder diagnosed so maybe I can keep it from affecting my academia next semester. I got accepted into Servant Leadership today which means 20 hours of Community Service next semester on top of whatever is remaining for my Honors required hours. I am taking 13 hours next semester and four of them are silly required classes that I feel will be easy, so I am really looking forward to it. I'll be on campus from nine to noon every day. I'll get to sleep past seven. =] Life is looking up and as it gets higher and higher, my fear of falling increases.
